Randomly stated stuff

Yes... it's another cheese filled dose of TRUTH!!

2006-03-13T18:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I have terrible news for all of my fellow non-porn maniacs. They've taken everyone's favorite italian plumber in red. Yes, Mario has been taken, I was flipping through the channels and I happened to wander by the pay per view porn channels on the way to the music (I have digital cable, so luckily I was in the menu reading the titles of shows). And frankly, I was disturbed... Disturbed enough to see if those damn television people were lying to me. They weren't lying. They were truthing.

I checked it out on Google, using the title of the movie which was "Super Mario's Heinie Hunters"... and discovered that it came up with 3,970 things... I EVEN QUOTED IT DAMMIT!!! I lost faith in humanity for the 3rd time this week... Mario no longer sticks to the drains of the mushroom kingdom, he's moved on to living orafaces.

The thing that REALLY annoys me is Nintendo still has yet to sue the pants off those bastards, I have also lost faith in Nintendo(not as much as humanity though, they mean well)... But I must bid you Adieu, goodbye! Good will to all of you! Any comments?? POST THEM!!!!(Unless you're a prick... then keep it to yourself...ass-hat)

And I was all like "Pants? what pants? We don't have any pants!!! What are you talking about?"

2006-02-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

I was reading a blog just a second ago, when the energy drink i was rapidly consuming(But didn't seem to be helping) splashed up into my eye. Now, beverage eye splashes are a regular thing in for me, and may be for you too. But having been tired before the eye splash, as soon as my vision cleared up, I was completely awake. I'm not sure if I've found a new way of ingesting energy drinks, that will one day be used for all tired people... I'll make millions for my new way of consuming red bull and the like. It might just be the brand of energy drink, which was Joker: Mad Energy... it tasted pretty good...

As for portions to squirt in your eye, I wouldn't reccomend more than a drop or two, or else your head might explode... and we wouldn't want that... yet. But if you develop a rash, or your eye shrivels up and you become blind, or even if your eye inflates into an evil human eating messenger of doom, then you may want to discontinue use, and maybe call the doctor... you know, if your eye hasn't devoured him yet.

That's all I have to say except that if you do insert any liquids in your eye, it's your own fault and I am not responsible for your gullability. Sue the company for not saying "Do not put in eye" or something lawsuits like that are mighty effective these days... like those fat people blaming McDonalds for their obesity... Anywho, check out all the links, you might find something you like, and ciao until next time!

2006-02-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

I'm back again, yes praise me... FINE THEN!! DON'T!!

Anywho, I would like to bring up the topic of insults delivered by hicks. Since grade 4 I have been called a "faggot" uncountable times. It stopped being insulting far too long ago, I actually remember in grade 5 some time saying, "Wow... maybe they should get some new material"... but I think that their horrific fear of the homosexuals, may need to end... Why you ask? After all, "fags" as you mortals call them, are stereotypicallly more well groomed and hygenic than most... So you might just take it as a compliment. Another argument to these hicks is that they're so fake... very few these days actually own a horse or a cow. So one of the few people I know who actually owns a horse, is a girl living up in Edmonton... but she was listening to her "Randy Travis" CD the other... OH!... wait... No country there? She actually listens to heavy metal music. Which bring up the question, why do people who don't own a horse, wear extra tight jean, a coyboy hat, and those wacky cowboy boots when they don't even qualify as cowboys... What I'm ultimately trying to get at is that Rednecks these days are the ultimate posers... But to end this off, I'm just saying that hicks should grab some new material... like reminding themselves that they're 1337 and everyone else are n0085... You know, like all the cool kids. PS... If any hick managed to wander onto this blog I'm sorry for all the big words... like "the" and "as"... Bye!!!

HOLY CRAP, I'M POSTING AGAIN!!!!

2006-02-10T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well I figured it was about time that I updated my blog, seeing as I've been leaving random unanswered promises, I shall make no more... but I will tell you I still rock. Unfortunately popcorn chicken doesn't, it sharply stopped being awesome about 30 minutes ago. Gavin and I had gone to the movie store and we returned with chips (Not that kind you limey bastard), when my mom figured we should take part in a less greasy diet(She didn't actually say that)... KFC!!! But when we got there we found that they refused to make more chicken... but Popcorn chicken was on the menu. So, Lanny and Megan the workers there at the time, were feeling generous (and lazy) and just gave us a gigantic chicken bucket full of the stuff. Seeing as my house is within walking distance it was still warm when we arrived back. My parents were going to a resturaunt and my sister was at a friends house, so Gavin and I had the popcorn chicken to ourselves... I opened the bucket and took a peice out examining it. An explosion of flavour was what i got when I ate it. Popcorn chicken HAD always been a favorite of mine, and I wasn't let down. Each peice of explosive flavour filled jucy chicken was a good as the last. But all too soon this "Popcorn Chicken" as you mortals call it, started to become hateful, we ate it almost to the point of vomiting, but the bucket was finished. We had conquered our "Everest" of Popcorn chicken and as we raised our hands in victory we felt our stomachs begin to hurt. All these sansations are gone now, but they will not be easily forgotten... Praise us!!! I think I may consider Vegetarianism.

Things are looking up for the blog... anonymous people have started posting!!!

2006-01-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

The name says it all... Sure, they were either correcting me or commenting on my over-inclusion of "Star Wars", but the point is they've landed and started laying their post shaped eggs all over the place. This blog has only had random times where it's ingenius maker decided to post out of sheer boredom, but he has decided to make the Internet a little more handicapped, 2 times a week! Mondays and Wednesdays... Maybe more, if I get bored enough, but those will be the days to look out for.

Anywho I came, for a reason, and that reason is to save the world from the horrors of Dave, everyone's favorite manic(www.zombie-kung-fu-doom.blogspot.com), and his slightly sadistic sidekick Gavin(www.punchoutgod.blogspot.com)... They'll come to your house, eat your food... even insult you cat. Naw, I'm just kidding, those guys are all right... I just needed a reason to show off their spiffy blogs.

Holy _, _ Man!

2006-01-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

Okay, to begin I must point out that this blog can be posted on. I'm sorry if it sucks it will never stop[Insert maniacal laughter here]... underneath my post, if you search hard enough I'm quite sure you'll find the posty thinger... It's not difficult guys.

Today I'll make a top ten list of the best races/professions, of fictional characters and the reason for each choice...

#10.Mongolians - Well at least when they have that silly moustache and the funny hat... man, those old mongolians sure rocked, back before they named themselves Kyle... back in the good ole days
#9.Star Ship Pilots/Artifact Hunters - Your average, zero gravity ace in space shooting down Tie fighters, with their millenium falcon... you know who I speak of the one... and only, HAN SOLO!!! Champion of the universe, also known as Indiana Jones, stealing things that "should be put in a museum" good old Harrison Ford... Ohhhhhhh, Yeah...
#8.Werewolves - Everyone loves a good old fashioned Werewolf! This was a no brainer to go on the list, although low on the list their awesomeness is unshaken. Razor sharp teeth, matted hair... what's not to love? and that's not even counting their cuddly wuddly cuteness.
#7.Vampires - Everybodies favorite nightmare arrives on the list at number 9, if you've never had a dream of a Vampire flying through your window eating your neck, leaving you clinging to life then returning to the night, you may have something wrong with you... Hunting vampires seems to be a very awesome profession as well.
#6.Wookies - Our favorite furry little fellows... well, little isn't a good word for them... Matted fur, breath that could take out a Yak... ah, Chewbacca, you furry man.
#5.Gnomes - Everyone's favorite little bearded men... No, I speak not of Harry Potter gnomes (frankly they suck), we're talkin' the little garden guys, plastic or not they all rock... I may be murderated for not placing then higher on the list but whatever, you don't control me, Josh!!!!!
#3/#4?.Pirates - Scallywags, Buccaneers, whatever name you call them you'd better not say Landlubber... They hate that, the real question is, can they topple the power of the Ninja? Who knows... maybe post something about which deserves #3 on my list O' Doom.
#4/#3?.Ninjas - Curious little fellers aren't they, skin tight body suits are terrible on any other Male form, but when you kick ass like this who cares what you wear... as long as you wear something... The Ninja, mortal enemy to both the pirate... and the dreaded toaster... arggg...
#2.Jedi - Filling in at number 2 we have the Jedi... Wielder of the force, only would these powerhouses of greatness be able to topple the greatness of the zombie, is if you could make a wookie Jedi... even then it would be a close fight... The Jedi, are not teh suck, they are teh Rox0rz Remember that
1.Zombies - What makes these elusive beings so splendid? Why are they at the top and not the Jedi? Well, it's simple... Zombies are just so damn fun to kill... Shovel, Crobar, Chainsaw, Shotgun, Double Melonhammers... No matter what you choose they are still killable. Shwa ha! Man do they rock.

In closing, comment on either your vote for Pirate or Ninja, and I shall tally them up if they reach more than 5... oh yes, I aim my goals high!

Doom? Well that just ruined my mood, Dave you bastard.

2006-01-02T04:11:00.000-07:00

As I open up in my blogging there is much rejoicing... mostly people who I was bothering who told me to go away, but we'll just pretend that it's you... the reader, but as while I rant I will point out that anyone may now post a comment... you don't have to try and guess my email anymore in order to speak your opinion, but yet again I will ask you to refrain from the U SUXORZ!!! LOLZ!!!!1 (or ROXORZ i suppose) but seriously, apparantly I have an Arch Nemesis named Dave... He claims that I control an army of zombies and will soon take over the world if he doesn't first, he says Hi. To access his blog (also edited by Gavin) www.zombie-kung-fu-doom.blogspot.com. Yeah that Dave, he's a good guy...
Well, I come stumbling into this blog with no real subject at mind... and Gavin suggested I write about death so I shall. Death, many describe it as the final frontier... wait maybe that's space, But really, is death the end? Is there a gigantic party in the sky waiting for me? Or maybe there's a gigantic Orgy of Doom and Heroin below, in hell(Which Dave believes is far more likely, since he has this theory I'm evil). That's pretty much all there is to death... What? You expected an answer? From me? Foolish mortal. Well, the mention of Heroin and Doom is a bit of a downer. So smile and be happy. flowers and love, kittens and warm mittens on boxes,with kettles and dancing, candlesticks, and rainbows... Okay that happy stuff was a Gavin break. So on the topic of random nothings, ducks are pretty cool. Quackity Quack says Mr. Duck. Mooity Moo says Mrs. Cow... do you take milk in your tea? YOU DO!?!? You prick... I'm sorry for any who are offended by this... it's 5 AM, so before you flame me, remember that my mind isn't as clear as it would be at say 3PM... Well before i offend more People I'll go away... until next time, ciao.

My new blog entry is here (30 people just killed themselves)

2005-12-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

I walked into my living room this morning, expecting some good television, maybe a few funny commercials... I was horribly mistaken, my sister was watching "As the World Turns" televisions tribute to the handicapped. I walked in a a terribly "dramatic" moment, people were crowded in the streets, as a man yelled "THE BOMB IS ABOUT TO GO OFF!!!" followed by a few screams from the group. Well, he might as well have said "Okay, guys don't go anywhere, get blown up for all I care... do not hop in the nearest car and get your useless ass somewhere else, because we need the drama." Now I suppose I would have a different reaction if say i knew anything about the "plot", but I'm not in to self torture. But back on topic, why did they stand there waiting for the fucking bomb to go off... go to the mall, ANYWHERE except for where you are, go to the fuckin sahara for all I care, just step away from the building that's about to lodged in your head! FUCK YOU'RE STUPID!!!.
Now, I bet there's gonna be a hero who saves the day and the lives of all the people who are much too stupid to go somewhere, there always is... But it takes a good 3-4 episodes before this bomb that is "about to go off" to actually almost go off before the suave, sharp hero walks in and then 3 more episodes when he is trying to disarm the bomb... he isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer... he probably doesn't have a Ph.D... even though in the show he is probably a doctor. Soon he'll be surrounded by attractive women one of which he is married to, another is his mistress, another is his nurse, and the last is probably his evil demon queen... all of whom he has sex with on a regular basis. Now none of these women have any idea that the others have been probed by him lately. (I'd usually say they knew his wife was but they're pretty stupid... I'm surprised they know how to breathe, let alone talk or know something)
I've seen a few soap operas in my time... not because I like them, but because I wake up in the morning on the couch, my sisters have already taken over the television, and are about to watch their "soaps". Well, I woke up just in time to torture myself, yipee. I try to get away, but then my sister does the unthinkable... asks me to watch. I reply with a simple... "Uhhh... noooo?..." then there is swearingand yelling, and to make people not hate Tim, he sits down... everything is calm... but then the show starts... my god, did they go to the, "Overly Attractive Handicapped Hospital" to find their actors... they mispronounce words, and can act about as well as I can skateboard(Which for those of you who don't know isn't very well) and the script writers come down the street from the "OAHH" at the "My God How Do I Make a Good Plot? Hospital". Well the mixture of the two, become a festering pile of crap... sure beautiful crap, but it's still crap. While I'm ranting on about soap operas I suppose I'll talk about the most gratuitous award of all time... THE SOAPIES!!!!... and I'll tell you how it goes, whoever was the least crappy at acting their part (Remember people these performances aren't worth Golden Globes, or Grammys here), gets a funny little award, that any self respecting actor or actress would torch as soon as they got home.
So I leave you now, my Homedawgs, and Homedawgettes, to ponder the mythical words of me, your lord and master... or maybe I'm just the guy, who writes a blog that you aren't too excited to read, who the hell knows... but if you read it, leave me a message, I need some feedback... and I don't wan't any, ROFLMAO, U SUXORZ LOLOLOLOL!!!1... Maybe try to be just as or a little less logical than my blog... I'm leaving you alot of room to speak here people... Until next time ciao!!

Well, this is my blog if you don't like it then SCREW YOU!!!

2005-12-21T15:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I would first like to point how much I rock(Not all that much much)... Anywho, this is my blog and I'm a fellow named Tim, and I live in Canada, but in fear of being raped or something I will give no more information. Back on topic this is my blog, and to my understanding of blogs, you rant in a humorous manner for a while on random subjects, and my big reason today is... *Drumroll* "UNSTIRRED YOGURT!!!!!!" (For those who don't know the comings and goings of yogurt, they pretty much come in two varieties stirred and unstirred. Stirred is with the dairy product and fruit all mixed around like you're a useless prick with no spoon or skillz... and unstirred has the fruit in the bottom and the dairy product on top.) and why did I choose yogurt, you ask? Because i find stirred yogurt to be an insult to my stirring skills. It's like they're dangling a pork chop (Or for all you vegitarians out there just imagine I said carrot) in front of my face, like I can't stir my own damn yogurt it's like a slap in the face. I bet they make it with the will to make overthinkers like myself string themselves up with their chrismas lights... oh yes, Christmas Lights. I think I may write and angry letter to a dairy company staging my yogurt complaint. In closing, the yogurt companies are out to get me.