Monday, March 13, 2006

Yes... it's another cheese filled dose of TRUTH!!

Okay, so I have terrible news for all of my fellow non-porn maniacs. They've taken everyone's favorite italian plumber in red. Yes, Mario has been taken, I was flipping through the channels and I happened to wander by the pay per view porn channels on the way to the music (I have digital cable, so luckily I was in the menu reading the titles of shows). And frankly, I was disturbed... Disturbed enough to see if those damn television people were lying to me. They weren't lying. They were truthing.

I checked it out on Google, using the title of the movie which was "Super Mario's Heinie Hunters"... and discovered that it came up with 3,970 things... I EVEN QUOTED IT DAMMIT!!! I lost faith in humanity for the 3rd time this week... Mario no longer sticks to the drains of the mushroom kingdom, he's moved on to living orafaces.

The thing that REALLY annoys me is Nintendo still has yet to sue the pants off those bastards, I have also lost faith in Nintendo(not as much as humanity though, they mean well)... But I must bid you Adieu, goodbye! Good will to all of you! Any comments?? POST THEM!!!!(Unless you're a prick... then keep it to yourself...ass-hat)

Sunday, February 19, 2006

And I was all like "Pants? what pants? We don't have any pants!!! What are you talking about?"

I was reading a blog just a second ago, when the energy drink i was rapidly consuming(But didn't seem to be helping) splashed up into my eye. Now, beverage eye splashes are a regular thing in for me, and may be for you too. But having been tired before the eye splash, as soon as my vision cleared up, I was completely awake. I'm not sure if I've found a new way of ingesting energy drinks, that will one day be used for all tired people... I'll make millions for my new way of consuming red bull and the like. It might just be the brand of energy drink, which was Joker: Mad Energy... it tasted pretty good...


As for portions to squirt in your eye, I wouldn't reccomend more than a drop or two, or else your head might explode... and we wouldn't want that... yet. But if you develop a rash, or your eye shrivels up and you become blind, or even if your eye inflates into an evil human eating messenger of doom, then you may want to discontinue use, and maybe call the doctor... you know, if your eye hasn't devoured him yet.

That's all I have to say except that if you do insert any liquids in your eye, it's your own fault and I am not responsible for your gullability. Sue the company for not saying "Do not put in eye" or something lawsuits like that are mighty effective these days... like those fat people blaming McDonalds for their obesity... Anywho, check out all the links, you might find something you like, and ciao until next time!

Monday, February 13, 2006

I'm back again, yes praise me... FINE THEN!! DON'T!!

Anywho, I would like to bring up the topic of insults delivered by hicks. Since grade 4 I have been called a "faggot" uncountable times. It stopped being insulting far too long ago, I actually remember in grade 5 some time saying, "Wow... maybe they should get some new material"... but I think that their horrific fear of the homosexuals, may need to end... Why you ask? After all, "fags" as you mortals call them, are stereotypicallly more well groomed and hygenic than most... So you might just take it as a compliment. Another argument to these hicks is that they're so fake... very few these days actually own a horse or a cow. So one of the few people I know who actually owns a horse, is a girl living up in Edmonton... but she was listening to her "Randy Travis" CD the other... OH!... wait... No country there? She actually listens to heavy metal music. Which bring up the question, why do people who don't own a horse, wear extra tight jean, a coyboy hat, and those wacky cowboy boots when they don't even qualify as cowboys... What I'm ultimately trying to get at is that Rednecks these days are the ultimate posers... But to end this off, I'm just saying that hicks should grab some new material... like reminding themselves that they're 1337 and everyone else are n0085... You know, like all the cool kids. PS... If any hick managed to wander onto this blog I'm sorry for all the big words... like "the" and "as"... Bye!!!

Friday, February 10, 2006

HOLY CRAP, I'M POSTING AGAIN!!!!

Well I figured it was about time that I updated my blog, seeing as I've been leaving random unanswered promises, I shall make no more... but I will tell you I still rock. Unfortunately popcorn chicken doesn't, it sharply stopped being awesome about 30 minutes ago. Gavin and I had gone to the movie store and we returned with chips (Not that kind you limey bastard), when my mom figured we should take part in a less greasy diet(She didn't actually say that)... KFC!!! But when we got there we found that they refused to make more chicken... but Popcorn chicken was on the menu. So, Lanny and Megan the workers there at the time, were feeling generous (and lazy) and just gave us a gigantic chicken bucket full of the stuff. Seeing as my house is within walking distance it was still warm when we arrived back. My parents were going to a resturaunt and my sister was at a friends house, so Gavin and I had the popcorn chicken to ourselves... I opened the bucket and took a peice out examining it. An explosion of flavour was what i got when I ate it. Popcorn chicken HAD always been a favorite of mine, and I wasn't let down. Each peice of explosive flavour filled jucy chicken was a good as the last. But all too soon this "Popcorn Chicken" as you mortals call it, started to become hateful, we ate it almost to the point of vomiting, but the bucket was finished. We had conquered our "Everest" of Popcorn chicken and as we raised our hands in victory we felt our stomachs begin to hurt. All these sansations are gone now, but they will not be easily forgotten... Praise us!!! I think I may consider Vegetarianism.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Things are looking up for the blog... anonymous people have started posting!!!

The name says it all... Sure, they were either correcting me or commenting on my over-inclusion of "Star Wars", but the point is they've landed and started laying their post shaped eggs all over the place. This blog has only had random times where it's ingenius maker decided to post out of sheer boredom, but he has decided to make the Internet a little more handicapped, 2 times a week! Mondays and Wednesdays... Maybe more, if I get bored enough, but those will be the days to look out for.

Anywho I came, for a reason, and that reason is to save the world from the horrors of Dave, everyone's favorite manic(www.zombie-kung-fu-doom.blogspot.com), and his slightly sadistic sidekick Gavin(www.punchoutgod.blogspot.com)... They'll come to your house, eat your food... even insult you cat. Naw, I'm just kidding, those guys are all right... I just needed a reason to show off their spiffy blogs.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Holy _____, _____ Man!

Okay, to begin I must point out that this blog can be posted on. I'm sorry if it sucks it will never stop[Insert maniacal laughter here]... underneath my post, if you search hard enough I'm quite sure you'll find the posty thinger... It's not difficult guys.

Today I'll make a top ten list of the best races/professions, of fictional characters and the reason for each choice...

#10.Mongolians - Well at least when they have that silly moustache and the funny hat... man, those old mongolians sure rocked, back before they named themselves Kyle... back in the good ole days
#9.Star Ship Pilots/Artifact Hunters - Your average, zero gravity ace in space shooting down Tie fighters, with their millenium falcon... you know who I speak of the one... and only, HAN SOLO!!! Champion of the universe, also known as Indiana Jones, stealing things that "should be put in a museum" good old Harrison Ford... Ohhhhhhh, Yeah...
#8.Werewolves - Everyone loves a good old fashioned Werewolf! This was a no brainer to go on the list, although low on the list their awesomeness is unshaken. Razor sharp teeth, matted hair... what's not to love? and that's not even counting their cuddly wuddly cuteness.
#7.Vampires - Everybodies favorite nightmare arrives on the list at number 9, if you've never had a dream of a Vampire flying through your window eating your neck, leaving you clinging to life then returning to the night, you may have something wrong with you... Hunting vampires seems to be a very awesome profession as well.
#6.Wookies - Our favorite furry little fellows... well, little isn't a good word for them... Matted fur, breath that could take out a Yak... ah, Chewbacca, you furry man.
#5.Gnomes - Everyone's favorite little bearded men... No, I speak not of Harry Potter gnomes (frankly they suck), we're talkin' the little garden guys, plastic or not they all rock... I may be murderated for not placing then higher on the list but whatever, you don't control me, Josh!!!!!
#3/#4?.Pirates - Scallywags, Buccaneers, whatever name you call them you'd better not say Landlubber... They hate that, the real question is, can they topple the power of the Ninja? Who knows... maybe post something about which deserves #3 on my list O' Doom.
#4/#3?.Ninjas - Curious little fellers aren't they, skin tight body suits are terrible on any other Male form, but when you kick ass like this who cares what you wear... as long as you wear something... The Ninja, mortal enemy to both the pirate... and the dreaded toaster... arggg...
#2.Jedi - Filling in at number 2 we have the Jedi... Wielder of the force, only would these powerhouses of greatness be able to topple the greatness of the zombie, is if you could make a wookie Jedi... even then it would be a close fight... The Jedi, are not teh suck, they are teh Rox0rz Remember that
1.Zombies - What makes these elusive beings so splendid? Why are they at the top and not the Jedi? Well, it's simple... Zombies are just so damn fun to kill... Shovel, Crobar, Chainsaw, Shotgun, Double Melonhammers... No matter what you choose they are still killable. Shwa ha! Man do they rock.

In closing, comment on either your vote for Pirate or Ninja, and I shall tally them up if they reach more than 5... oh yes, I aim my goals high!

Monday, January 02, 2006

Doom? Well that just ruined my mood, Dave you bastard.

As I open up in my blogging there is much rejoicing... mostly people who I was bothering who told me to go away, but we'll just pretend that it's you... the reader, but as while I rant I will point out that anyone may now post a comment... you don't have to try and guess my email anymore in order to speak your opinion, but yet again I will ask you to refrain from the U SUXORZ!!! LOLZ!!!!1 (or ROXORZ i suppose) but seriously, apparantly I have an Arch Nemesis named Dave... He claims that I control an army of zombies and will soon take over the world if he doesn't first, he says Hi. To access his blog (also edited by Gavin) www.zombie-kung-fu-doom.blogspot.com. Yeah that Dave, he's a good guy...
Well, I come stumbling into this blog with no real subject at mind... and Gavin suggested I write about death so I shall. Death, many describe it as the final frontier... wait maybe that's space, But really, is death the end? Is there a gigantic party in the sky waiting for me? Or maybe there's a gigantic Orgy of Doom and Heroin below, in hell(Which Dave believes is far more likely, since he has this theory I'm evil). That's pretty much all there is to death... What? You expected an answer? From me? Foolish mortal. Well, the mention of Heroin and Doom is a bit of a downer. So smile and be happy. flowers and love, kittens and warm mittens on boxes,with kettles and dancing, candlesticks, and rainbows... Okay that happy stuff was a Gavin break. So on the topic of random nothings, ducks are pretty cool. Quackity Quack says Mr. Duck. Mooity Moo says Mrs. Cow... do you take milk in your tea? YOU DO!?!? You prick... I'm sorry for any who are offended by this... it's 5 AM, so before you flame me, remember that my mind isn't as clear as it would be at say 3PM... Well before i offend more People I'll go away... until next time, ciao.